Christmas has the connotation of stress and drama. But it’s not supposed to be that way. Here are Christmas celebration tips for you.
If there’s anything the world needs right now, it’s understanding our fellow men and getting along with them. And that doesn’t only have to happen during Christmas.
So how can you make things better? Take it from my own experiences.
ASK QUESTIONS
The thing I’ve noticed is that situations go a little different between when I’m meeting my family by myself and when I’m meeting them with other people. Have you noticed that on your family, too?
Recently, I had my best friend and some of his friends over to meet my Dad. It
was absolutely a riot at the time. They had a ball. The conversation flowed. My Dad was funny and articulate and intelligent and all that sort of stuff.
Yet, sometimes, when I’m there and talking with him, it’s nowhere near he is fun. It’s way more serious and we often end up in arguments. I thought, wait a minute. This happens when I’m there by myself but when others are there, it’s fantastic. It’s almost like he changes. But I realised, too, that it’s not him changing at all. It’s me.
And so what it is, is when we’re entering a situation, our perception creates our reality. We have a sudden predefined image of how a situation’s going to play out.
In essence, we’ve already concluded how this experience is going to be before it even happened.
So what we’re going to do is to stop our premature conclusions. How?
By asking better questions.
So, step number 1 is to ask positive open-ended questions and to follow that energy. Questions like these:
- What would it take to make this the best Christmas ever?
- What would it take to make this day a fun and enjoyable for everyone?
This line of questioning alone will shift the energy and will change everything.
NOURISH YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
Last Christmas was our best Christmas ever. Looking back, I’m thinking, “what was it that made it the best Christmas ever?” Now, this is straight out of the book, How To Win Friends & Influence People. It says something about the absence of criticism or complaint.
My last Christmas was free of angst, argument or any shouting matches of any sort. On your part, I’m sure that you know that you can destroy anyone of your close family members or friends in about 60 seconds if you wanted to. But that’s not your job. That’s the little you.
Your job is to be bigger.
If there’s one thing we do at Christmas, it’s over-eating. We over-nourish the body. But you know what we don’t nourish that much? It’s our self-esteem. Ours and other people’s. We actually do the complete opposite and tear down the people closest to us. And we do that by condemning, criticising and generally pointing out their negative habits. So, remove that completely from the situation this Christmas.
BE ACCOMMODATING
Don’t argue. There’s a notion that goes, ‘just agree to agree.’ But there are people who tell us to agree to disagree. Well, I say that we can agree to agree on certain points that we don’t agree on. The point is, people have different points of view and it’s not up to us to make them wrong. It’s not up to us to point out where their faults lie. They can do that themselves.
Our job is not to bite.
Just leave it alone altogether or, perhaps, strive to understand where other people are coming from. Have a genuine interest as to why they have that point of view.
Now you might be thinking, when I do that, who wins the argument? The answer is absolutely no one. They say, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”
Arguments? Leave them out. You don’t want them at Christmas. Not at all.
OFFER SINCERE COMPLIMENTS
Find something that you can genuinely compliment about a person. It could be the food, it could be their effort, it could be their hair – anything great about them. Find anything where you can offer a genuine compliment.
But you want to be careful, too. Compliments are not flatteries. Flatteries are cheap and people see through it. If you give it to someone else, it’s going to come home to roost and cause you some problems sooner or later.
In my family, one of my relatives uses the same compliment regarding my sister’s cooking: PB. Now, it’s a sport’s term relating to Personal Best. And he offers it lavishly with my sister’s cooking and says, “Sonia, PB. Fantastic work.”
It’s personal best in whatever she’s made, helping the cook feel good about what she does. Now, that needs to be genuine, and certainly, with all the things we eat, there’s
plenty of opportunities to offer some PBs. You might want to take that and use that in your situation as well.
BE INTERESTED. STAY INTERESTED
I want you to be interested in the other person. In particular, to the one that causes you the most angst or potential volatility in a situation. Be interested in him or her. Talk about that person’s interest and their frame of reference. People don’t say much or care about you and what’s going on in your life or what’s happening. You know what they love talking about? Them and their situation.
For example, my brother loves photography. When he’s not at work, he is into photography. He often takes photos, studies photography – he just loves it. It’s an insanely interesting hobby for him. So, when I’m around him, what do I talk about? I talk about his latest photos. I talk about where he’s been shooting.
People love talking about what they’re interested in. They light up. They open up. And by doing that, you’re drawing them out as well.
And this I know: if you talk about what other people are interested in, they’ll actually be interested in you. This is all positive cycle and up it goes.
So, there you have it. Five points. I hope they were of value to you. They seem simple but they’re very powerful.
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